## Where We Meet: The Journey to Secular Spirituality As I sit down to write this book, I am reminded of the countless individuals I have met who, like me, have been on a journey of spiritual exploration, often feeling overwhelmed or skeptical of the traditional options available. My own path, marked by a departure from a high-demand religion and a subsequent search for meaning, has led me to a place where I can offer a different perspective – one that is grounded in secular spirituality. Growing up in a religious environment, I was taught to adhere to a set of beliefs and practices that were supposed to guide my life. However, as I grew older, I began to question these teachings, finding them increasingly at odds with my own experiences and the world around me. This questioning led to a period of deconstruction, where I had to dismantle the beliefs I had been raised with and confront the void that was left behind. This void, often described as existential dread or nihilism, is a common experience for many who leave traditional religious frameworks. It is a feeling of being unmoored, of lacking the pillars of assurance and meaning that once provided comfort. But it is also an opportunity – an opportunity to rebuild and create a new, more authentic spiritual life. ## The Limitations of Traditional Spirituality Traditional spiritual teachings often rely on supernatural assertions and the concept of a divine being dictating an unchanging set of ethical guidelines. However, these teachings can be limiting and even harmful. They can create a gap between our everyday existence and our beliefs, leading to cognitive dissonance or the practice of spiritual bypassing, where we use spirituality to avoid confronting psychological issues or individual responsibilities. In contrast, secular spirituality offers a moral and spiritual structure founded on compassion, prudent judgment, and a comprehensive understanding of genuine welfare. This approach recognizes that morality is not fixed or objective but evolves over time as our understanding of the world and human experience deepens. Our ethical decisions are influenced by our capacity for empathy, logical thinking, and a commitment to minimizing suffering while improving our own well-being and that of others. ## Embracing Secular Ethics and Rituals Secular spirituality is not about rejecting the benefits of spiritual practices but about grounding them in a solid foundation of logic and empirical evidence. It involves creating personal values, rituals, and practices that align with our individual needs and aspirations. For instance, rituals scientifically help us process emotions, mark our values, decrease pain, and increase pleasure. These rituals can be as simple as taking a moment each day to reflect on our experiences or as complex as creating annual ceremonies to celebrate significant life events. Drawing inspiration from religious traditions, we can adapt these practices to fit within a secular context. This means intentionally establishing routines and traditions that resonate with our core principles and foster our psychological, emotional, and spiritual well-being. For example, the concept of "The Tree of Contemplative Practices" developed by the Center for Contemplative Mind in Society provides a framework for various pursuits such as meditation, creative activities, community involvement, and authentic relationships – all of which can help us acknowledge and embrace our inherent spiritual nature. ## Awe, Contemplation, and the Feminine Awe is a fundamental component of spirituality, and it can be cultivated through regular practices that inspire wonder and amazement. This could be as simple as spending time in nature, engaging in creative activities, or participating in community events that evoke a sense of connection and transcendence. The feminine aspect of spirituality, often dismissed or diminished by patriarchal systems, is also crucial. This involves reclaiming spiritual dimensions such as the exercises of mothering, self-care, and nurturing relationships. For instance, cooking for friends or family can be a ritual that embodies these values, providing a sense of connection and meaning. ## Meaning, Purpose, and Morality Building meaning and purpose in life is a central theme in secular spirituality. This involves thinking deeply about what gives our lives significance and what tools we can use to make the world a better place. It is about identifying our unique contributions and passions, and aligning them with our values and beliefs. Morality, in this context, is not derived from divine commandments but from a deep understanding of human well-being and the importance of empathy and logical reasoning. Secular morality encourages us to live virtuously, uphold moral values, and make decisions that minimize suffering and promote the well-being of all individuals. ## Community, Love, and Human Flourishing Community and love are essential components of a fulfilling spiritual life. Secular spirituality emphasizes the importance of integrating love as a default mode of being, fostering deep connections with others, and creating communities that support and uplift each other. Human flourishing is the ultimate goal of secular spirituality. It involves recognizing the markers of well-being – such as physical health, emotional stability, and social connections – and aligning our spiritual practices with these goals. This approach ensures that our spiritual life is not separate from our everyday life but is deeply intertwined with it, enhancing our overall well-being. ## The Future of Spirituality As we look to the future, it is clear that traditional religious institutions are struggling to address the needs of contemporary society. Younger generations, in particular, are grappling with existential dread, solitude, and a sense of detachment from their communities. However, this does not mean that spirituality is irrelevant; rather, it means that we need a new approach – one that is grounded in secular principles and open to the complexities of human experience. Secular spirituality offers a hopeful outlook, providing tools and pathways that can help individuals navigate the challenges of modern life. It is a journey that requires intention and effort, but one that can lead to a more authentic, meaningful, and fulfilling life. As I often say, "Creating a home that is perfect for you means sifting through heirlooms and deciding what to keep, what to DIY, and what to toss. Yes, it does take more work on the front end, but things worth having are worth choosing." In the end, secular spirituality is not just for atheists or those who have left traditional religion; it is for anyone who seeks a deeper connection to themselves, others, and the world around them. It is a path that honors the complexity of human experience and offers a way to live a good life, free from dogma and woo, but rich in meaning, purpose, and transcendence.

Here are the key insights from the book "Where We Meet: The Journey to Secular Spirituality": ## Personal Journey and Deconstruction - The author's journey involves departing from a high-demand religion and searching for meaning, leading to a period of deconstruction and rebuilding a new, authentic spiritual life. ## Limitations of Traditional Spirituality - Traditional spiritual teachings can be limiting and harmful, creating cognitive dissonance or spiritual bypassing, and often rely on supernatural assertions and divine commandments. ## Secular Spirituality Foundations - Secular spirituality is grounded in compassion, prudent judgment, and a comprehensive understanding of genuine welfare, with morality evolving over time based on empathy, logical thinking, and minimizing suffering. ## Embracing Secular Ethics and Rituals - Secular spirituality involves creating personal values, rituals, and practices based on logic and empirical evidence, such as daily reflections or annual ceremonies, to enhance psychological, emotional, and spiritual well-being. ## Awe, Contemplation, and the Feminine - Awe is cultivated through practices like spending time in nature or engaging in creative activities, and the feminine aspect of spirituality, including self-care and nurturing relationships, is emphasized. ## Meaning, Purpose, and Morality - Building meaning and purpose involves identifying personal contributions and passions, aligning them with values, and deriving morality from human well-being, empathy, and logical reasoning. ## Community, Love, and Human Flourishing - Community and love are crucial, with secular spirituality fostering deep connections and communities that support each other, aiming for human flourishing through physical health, emotional stability, and social connections. ## The Future of Spirituality - Traditional religious institutions are struggling, but secular spirituality offers a hopeful outlook, providing tools to navigate modern life's challenges and lead a more authentic, meaningful life. ## Inclusivity and Authenticity - Secular spirituality is not just for atheists or those who left traditional religion; it is for anyone seeking a deeper connection to themselves, others, and the world, honoring the complexity of human experience. ## Practical Application - Secular spirituality involves intentional effort to create personal rituals and practices, such as those inspired by "The Tree of Contemplative Practices," to foster well-being and spiritual growth.