## The Courage to Be Disliked: A Journey to True Happiness ### Part 1: The Quest for Happiness and the Encounter with the Philosopher Imagine a young man, troubled by the complexities of life, seeking answers to the eternal question: how to achieve true happiness. This young man, much like many of us, feels trapped in a web of self-doubt and societal expectations. He decides to visit a philosopher on the outskirts of his city, hoping to find some clarity. Over the course of five nights, their conversations will unravel the mysteries of happiness and the courage it takes to be disliked. The philosopher, guided by the principles of Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and Jung, begins by challenging the young man's perceptions. Adler's philosophy is simple yet profound: happiness lies in our ability to live in the present, free from the burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future. ### Part 2: The Illusion of Self-Dislike and Interpersonal Problems On the second night, the young man confesses his deep-seated self-dislike. The philosopher listens intently and then reveals a crucial insight: our perceptions of ourselves are often skewed because we focus on our shortcomings. This self-criticism is a choice, not a necessity. Adler's philosophy suggests that we do not lack ability; we just lack the courage to see ourselves in a different light. "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems," the philosopher explains. This statement is not about blaming others but about recognizing that our unhappiness often stems from our interactions with others. The feeling of exclusion, rather than loneliness itself, is what truly hurts us. As Adler puts it, "Loneliness doesn't come from being all alone, but rather the feeling of exclusion from your community and the people that surround you." ### Part 3: Discarding Other People's Tasks and Seeking True Freedom The third night brings a pivotal discussion: the need to discard the desire for recognition from others. The philosopher emphasizes that living to satisfy others' expectations is a recipe for a life of constant worry and dissatisfaction. "Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others," he advises. This is not about being selfish but about being true to oneself. When we seek recognition, we follow what others expect from us, rather than our own desires. This leads to a life where we are constantly concerned with how others see us, and in turn, how we see ourselves. True freedom, according to Adler, lies in having the courage to be disliked. As the philosopher says, "The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness." ### Part 4: The Separation of Tasks and the Importance of Community On the fourth night, the young man grapples with the idea of loneliness and the separation of tasks. The philosopher explains that each person has their own tasks and responsibilities. When we try to take on others' tasks, we create unnecessary stress and conflict. However, this separation is not about isolation but about understanding what we can and cannot control. The goal of interpersonal relations, the philosopher clarifies, is "community." This means recognizing that our actions and decisions should be guided by a sense of contribution to others, rather than a desire for personal gain or recognition. As Ichiro Kishimi writes, "Three things are needed at this point: 'self-acceptance,' 'confidence in others,' and 'contribution to others.'" ### Part 5: Living in the Here and Now and Redefining Hierarchy The final night brings a profound conclusion: the importance of living in the here and now. The philosopher discusses Adler's tenet that "one must not praise, and one must not rebuke." This may seem counterintuitive, but it highlights the danger of creating hierarchies through empty praise or criticism. When we praise or rebuke, we often do so to manipulate others or seek favor. This creates unhealthy dynamics and trivial pursuits of praise. Instead, we should treat others as equals, not above or below us. As the philosopher explains, "To have the courage to be disliked, we need to be able to look at others as equals, not above or below us. Redefining your hierarchy in the world has the ability to change your life for the better." ### Part 6: Embracing Courage and Living True to Oneself In the end, the young man comes to a realization: true happiness is not about avoiding challenges or seeking constant approval but about embracing the courage to be oneself. As Adler says, "No experience is a cause of success or failure." Our past does not determine our future, and our unhappiness is not due to a lack of competence but a lack of courage. The philosopher's parting words are clear: "You are the only one who can change yourself." This is not a call to isolation but a call to freedom. Freedom from the expectations of others, freedom from the need for constant validation, and freedom to live in the present. As you reflect on these conversations, remember that true freedom and happiness lie in your ability to take responsibility for your life, to accept everything as it is, and to contribute to others without seeking recognition. The courage to be disliked is not about being disliked; it is about being true to yourself, even if that means standing alone. In the words of Ichiro Kishimi, "None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see is different from the one I see, and it’s impossible to share your world with anyone else." But it is in this subjective world that we find the courage to live our lives earnestly, in the here and now, free from the burdens of others' judgments.

Here are the key insights from "The Courage to Be Disliked" based on the provided summary: ## Living in the Present Happiness lies in the ability to live in the present, free from the burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future. ## Interpersonal Relationship Problems All problems are essentially interpersonal relationship problems, and unhappiness often stems from interactions with others rather than from being alone. ## Self-Perception and Courage Our perceptions of ourselves are often skewed because we focus on our shortcomings. We lack the courage to see ourselves in a different light, not the ability. ## Discarding Other People's Tasks Living to satisfy others' expectations leads to a life of constant worry and dissatisfaction. True freedom involves having the courage to be disliked and following one's own desires. ## Separation of Tasks Each person has their own tasks and responsibilities. Taking on others' tasks creates unnecessary stress and conflict, while understanding what we can and cannot control promotes healthy relationships. ## Importance of Community Interpersonal relations should be guided by a sense of contribution to others, rather than a desire for personal gain or recognition. Self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others are key. ## Avoiding Praise and Rebuke Creating hierarchies through praise or criticism is harmful. Instead, treat others as equals, avoiding empty praise or rebuke to maintain healthy dynamics. ## Redefining Hierarchy To have the courage to be disliked, one must look at others as equals, not above or below. This redefinition can change one's life for the better. ## Courage and Self-Responsibility True happiness involves embracing the courage to be oneself, taking responsibility for one's life, and accepting everything as it is. Our past does not determine our future, and our unhappiness is due to a lack of courage, not competence. ## Subjective World and Personal Freedom We live in a subjective world we have given meaning to. True freedom and happiness lie in living earnestly in the here and now, free from others' judgments and expectations. ## Contribution Over Recognition Happiness comes from contributing to the community and doing things because they are the right thing to do, not for praise or recognition.